Nothing there

It's been awhile since I've been able to write. Maybe it's more like since I've wanted to write. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. It seems that everytime I try to express myself in written word, it causes someone more grief. And thats not what I am all about. I'd prefer to be able to bring joy and happiness into this world, than grief and drama. Why is that so hard to do. I guess I have some kind of self destruct mechanism built in. Just when things are going good, I usually find a way to muck it up. Of course I start out with what I think are good intentions, trying to make a good thing better, but in the end I find myself saying, what were you thinking? Maybe thats the whole crux of the problem, my thinker doesn't work very well. Often I don't even use it till after the fact. But by then it's too late, and the damage is done. So in order to prevent having to try and clean up another mess, I'll just try a little restraint of tongue and pen. I feel that theres something inside of me that I have to get out, but until I figure out what exactly that is and how to say it without causing harm to others, I will just bite my lip and leave all my faithful followers hanging.