Sunday, March 14, 2010

Some Seasons of my Soul

Rain falls
Cold harshness of winter in our souls
Ice forms
Snow is quiet and beautiful

Snow disappears slightly slower that it came
The ice melts leaving muddy yards and dirty cars
And the quiet is soon replaced by the hectic turmoil
That fuels our obsessions

First sign was the growth on the peach orchards
A hint of color in the stark dormant cold
Life is coming

Longer days, warmer temps
We know change is coming soon
So many Robins, fill a tree like leaves
Eating the berries of the holly

There is hope of warmness ahead
Warm sun shining on my skin
And warm feelings thawing my soul from inside

I saw snow again, clinging to the budding trees
Winter didn’t want to leave so soon this time
But the buds opened only days later
Pinks and reds bursting forth

God has pulled His paintbrush from its storage place
The rains have renewed His palette

Excitement of the coming adventure
Replaces fear of the unknown future
Hope is alive once more!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


He saw the wall plaque in a Target store. He kinda smiled as he read it and walked on by. Didn't get but a few steps before he had to go back and reread it. This time he stood there, and a flood of emotion washed over him like a tidal wave. There's so many ways that can be interpeted. Is it the two people that were together for over 25 years, the two that created a life in their darling baby girl? There were some good years in there. Of course there were, it did last a quarter of a century. But to him it ended up being two people
alone together.
All because two people fell in love.

Or was it the two that brought about such a profound alteration in his thinking? (of course him being one half of the two). There was no way they could be together, after all, he was still married. Now two people,
alone apart. Maybe after all this time they are not alone anymore. We are pretty good at doing that. Finding a way to fill the void left when love goes bad. At first you don't want to fill the hole. It hurts so bad, but after awhile you really get kinda of used to it, the abnormal becomes the normal. Then after a seeming eternity of dispair, pain, and agony, one day you realize you didn't cry that day. Hmmmm, that felt kinda ok, you think, but wait, you're not supossed to be ok. Not yet.
All because two people fell in love.

Tick tock tick tock........the hours slowly pass away.......the days become weeks, and weeks become months. The meloncholy feelings are replaced with more healthy feelings......hope that the future is not all bleak. He's not the first person to ever get divorced. Funny how finally saying the words that were hiding inside him unlocked the cage that had imprisioned for so long. There's no way he can go back to what it was like before. He had seen a glimpse of heaven, at least thats what it seemed to him. Lawyers, lists, house hunting, what a hassle it all is.
All because two peole fell in love.

The plaque is still in his trunk. It won't be long till he has his own place. He plans to hang it somewhere close to the entry way, a reminder of all it took to get where he is today.
All because two people fell in love.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

24 Hours of Booty!

Here's the short synopsis that I threw out to facebook:175.54 miles, 11.36 hours ride time, 7083 ft of ascent, 16289 calories burned, 2 hours sleep, two fatacinos and 4 lbs lighter than yesterday at this time. Good times with good friends! If you didn't ride the 24 hrs of Booty, you missed something! "I hate cancer."Now the real report. Better get comfy and a cup of coffee. I have a lot to say.

I got there around 3:30 Friday afternoon, found the base camp which BTW was right beside the main stage. Perfect place to enjoy the bands, foods and festivities, but at 6am the next morning not so good for sleeping in after a late night of pedaling. Before and during the ride several people kept asking me if I had a goal, mileage wise. I didn't, just figured I would ride till I got tired, rest, then ride some more. And thats basically what I did! As usual the Bee team grouped at the rear of the starting crowd, then we inched out way up all the way to the front of the line! I hope our jerseys were visable on some news shots. Dari, out team captain for this ride, (THANK YOU DARI) was catapulted further up into the survivor group, which got to be the lead group on the first lap, then came the top fundraisers, then about three minutes later the peleton with us leading out. It was pandamonium at its best after the first lap. No way Pat to form a paceline. I told several bees about how much fun it was to snake your way through the slower riders, I felt like a member of the pack you would see on the TDF coverage. The spectators were just great. All up and down the 3 mile loop the people were partying, and encouraging us on. Lined both sides of the road. I told HRH, those Myers Parkers were just looking for a reason to party! I felt for them as I watched them trying to get out of the side roads, waiting for a gap big enough to scoot thru to a open road. The police and volunteers were wonderful at helping in this aspect. I never had to stop for a car, but I did want to several times when the traffic lights turned red. A good habit I guess. After the first few laps HRH and I found each other and stayed together for a few hours until she had to leave to go home, beach trip! Have fun Victoria! We were riding hard for me, over 17mph avg. Then after she left, Daniel and I hooked up and pushed our pace on to 17.5 for the first 50 miles. then he ate some bootyville dinner and got the bootyville belly ache. Daniel's the one that put the mileage goal booger on me, he was shooting for 100 miles the first day, and as the night progressed, I could see that happening. But the bee's were dropping like flies around midnight. They kept saying something about the body needing rest to be able to go the distance. I had adopted a goal to lose some weight, but forgot that to do that, I should keep my HR down, slow and easy, I was riding hard and fast. The second 50 miles, left to my own pace, I dropped to my usual 15.5 avg. about 3:45 am I hit Daniels goal of 100 miles and decided to stop for the night. Had no trouble going to sleep, but I really wanted to be riding from dark into the sunrise, so I set my alarm for 5:30. When that went off, I quickly changed my plans to get more sleep and turned off that stupid alarm on my phone. But alas, promptly at 6am, the event organizers decided the masses needed some pep em up music and announcements to get everyone going, and I think my tent was the closest one to the loudspeakers. So with not much rest I got suited back up, fueled up, and back on the road. The legs were feeling the pain and I decided today I would keep it slow and easy. I met alot of people, I met some of Sharlenes friends from the Tri It For Life group. I met the guy on the unicycle, who I think rode on one wheel for more than 40 miles. I met a pretty girl from Asheville, her bike had some Christmas tree lights that made it unique at night. I stopped and met the faithful spectators just past the start line that had sat out there all night, clapping for each and every rider that came by, which equates to clapping for at least 15 hours non-stop. I bet they have sore arms and hands today. I got in 175 miles before I had to leave to get my baby at the airport, I really wanted to go for 200, ride till 7, the whole 24 hours, but took too many rest stops I guess. I am surprised my garmin says I only rode for 11.36 hours, it seemed a lot longer. I set a 150 mile goal, I would ride off the course up East blvd. to Carribu coffee for a much deserved java cooler (with an extra shot!) But Dari didn't know that, she had Jim bring everone a starbucks frappacino (fatacino) in the afternoon. No wonder I missed my weight loss goal. Thanks to all the non riding Bees that came out, Rollie, who brought enough bagels for all bootyville, Coach on his crutches, Jack and Joanna, LeeAnn and Diane, Jim, and I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. I hope you are just like me, I came last yeat, saw all the fun, and rode this year.

If I ever did get tired, I would be reminded why we were doing this by all the homemade signs along the route, all the "in honor of" and "in memory of" placards on the riders backs, and I would become welled with tears and I would suddenly be filled with determination that someday, cancer will be overcome, no more suffering and loss. And I would keep pressing on, regardless. I tried to say good morning, hello, to each rider that had a Mom or Dad listed on their back. A SMILE is something everyone everywhere does in the same language.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I wonder what it feels like to be normal?

Normal? I assume it's what the majority of people are like. How they think, feel, act, react, live their lives.

I said that because sometimes I feel like certain movie characters, such as Dr. Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis) in "The Sixth Sense" when he realizes he's the one thats stuck in limbo. or John Forbes Nash (Russel Crowe) in "A Beautiful Mind". Although I don't see imaginary people, it often seems like some things are just a dream.
Of course I'm not a mathmatical genius or a dead child psychologist, but at times I do feel quite "abnormal".

And then again, I think I said I just wonder how it feels, not that I would ever want to be that way :)

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Nothing there

It's been awhile since I've been able to write. Maybe it's more like since I've wanted to write. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say. It seems that everytime I try to express myself in written word, it causes someone more grief. And thats not what I am all about. I'd prefer to be able to bring joy and happiness into this world, than grief and drama. Why is that so hard to do. I guess I have some kind of self destruct mechanism built in. Just when things are going good, I usually find a way to muck it up. Of course I start out with what I think are good intentions, trying to make a good thing better, but in the end I find myself saying, what were you thinking? Maybe thats the whole crux of the problem, my thinker doesn't work very well. Often I don't even use it till after the fact. But by then it's too late, and the damage is done. So in order to prevent having to try and clean up another mess, I'll just try a little restraint of tongue and pen. I feel that theres something inside of me that I have to get out, but until I figure out what exactly that is and how to say it without causing harm to others, I will just bite my lip and leave all my faithful followers hanging.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Would Jesus ride a bicycle?

I asked God to help me lose weight. I really don't eat that often, like all day long but I have a portion problem, I never know when to stop eating.
About two years ago I got sick and lost about 10 lbs in one weekend! I wasn't fun at the time, but I was able to keep it off for awhile. Winter time seems to get me the worst. All those holidays, all that food. Well I didn't get sick last winter, the pounds came back on, but I really never got down to where I wanted to be during the summer prime bike riding season. So this year I watch in horror as the scale climbs back up...22o, 225, 227, 230! I think I finally topped out around 237, might have hit 240 one time. About 6 years ago, at my biggest I was around 260+. That's when my diabetes appeared. I was so bad out of shape. I remembered when I was a young, skinny kid. That's when I rode my bike everywhere. I would even ride it over to my girlfriends houses.
So I decided to start riding a bike again. The first few times out, I hardly got in 3 miles, I was huffing and puffing, and soaked in sweat. I stuck with it and the weight started falling off pretty fast. Soon I was going 5 miles, then 7! Then 10 and I finally got up to 15 miles around and around my neighborhood. I finally ventured out on the back roads of Union Co. My diabetes has backed away, as long as I continue to exercise and try to watch what I eat and drink, I don't even have to take any meds for it anymore!
Anyhow, to make a long story short, this spring there I was again, 237 lbs. and it seemed no amount of riding was working to burn off that fat. So I asked my God again, Lord, please help me to lose weight again. I'll even suffer thru another episode of illness like I did a few years ago to get this thing kick started. LOL, When am I gonna learn I can't make deals with my Maker. He knows what I need, and He knows how to get me there. I didn't see any burning bushes, and the weight didn't go away, if anything it seemed to increase.
I started losing weight again! I kinda of liked that, so I waited as long as I could before going to talk to my DR about all the sadness. Yesterday after a 67 mile ride with the Bee team. I got home and got on the scale. 212.5! WOOHOO!!! (But some was water weight, I gained back to 215 at the end of the day as I re hydrated.)
So I started this blog to express my innermost feelings. I was thinking earlier today, did God answer my plea for to lose weight, by letting all this happen. That's pretty far fetched, I know, but maybe stranger things have happened. After all, he is in control of everything. And the bible says to thank God if you find yourself in trials and tribulations. You know, Long suffering produces Perseverance, Perseverance creates Character, something like that. I am working with limited mental capabilities here. I guess I should really go get my bible and look it up so I will be right in my quotes.
Anyway, God does answer us, sometimes in ways we would have never thought of.

Thank you God for all the trials I have before me. I mess up pretty regular, usually when I go my own way, not yours. Please use all the trials you put before me to shape me, and mold me into the person you want me to be. Please use your staff and rod to guide me away from danger, just like the good Shepard's did in the past. Amen.

Another Sunrise

I love the morning time. The sun just keeps coming back, day after day. Even when it's cloudy and rainy, I know the sun is there because the darkness of night slips away. With each new day, the promise of exciting adventures before us awaits.

Please go out today, and play in the sunshine!